![\"Isaac](\"http:\/\/staging.tcpcharms.com\/bjpenn\/wp-content\/uploads\/Isaac-Vallie-Flagg.jpg\")
Vallie-Flagg\u2019s life was quickly swallowed up by an oxycodone addiction, but he ultimately found himself in a situation where he could no longer obtain a prescription for the drug. It was this situation that led him to start buying oxycodone illegally, and the price and scarcity of bootleg oxycodone, in turn, that led him to heroin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI was using quite a bit between the surgery and my fight with [Takanori] Gomi,\u201d he said. \u201cThat was with the oxycodone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
“After I was not able to get any prescriptions from doctors, I was buying oxycodones,\u201d he continued. \u201cThe rule of opiates is it kind of crosses over between oxycodone and heroin pretty easily. Oxycodones are basically harder for people to get at a street level and that kind of leads into the cheaper more readily available opiate. That\u2019s heroin.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Vallie-Flagg admits that, initially, he was hesitant to try heroin \u2014 though his main objection to this ominous street drug was injecting it, because he\u2019s afraid of needles. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When he was told that he could smoke it, however, he went for it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThere was a guy, he was the guy I got pills from,\u201d he recounted, looking back on his first time using heroin. \u201cHe said, \u2018try this, it\u2019s the same thing as the oxys, it\u2019s just way cheaper.\u2019 Obviously, I was scared. I\u2019m afraid of needles, I have huge needle fear. I was like \u2018I\u2019m not going to shoot it,\u2019 and he was like \u2018no, no you can just smoke it.\u2019 So that\u2019s when I learned about smoking heroin and tried smoking it for the first time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI always smoked it, and that was something that kind of saved my life,\u201d he added, clarifying that he never injected heroin. \u201cThere was a reluctance to try it at first, but that went away real fast when it made me well and it was cheaper than the pills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Before long, Vallie-Flagg was using almost constantly and in extremely dangerous quantities \u2014 largely because of the terrible withdrawal symptoms he would feel if he didn\u2019t. He also started using meth to level out the effects of the heroin.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHook, line and sinker, that was it,\u201d he said of his heroin use. \u201cAnything I do, whether it\u2019s the fighting \u2014 I kind of picked it up and pushed myself as far as I could on that \u2014 the painkillers were the same thing and the heroin was the same way too. When I pick things up I go as hard as I possibly can with them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI was a daily user,\u201d he continued. \u201cIn order to just not get sick, I was having to use every few hours. I was doing three grams or more of heroin a day and at least a gram of meth a day. Three grams of heroin is a lot of heroin to consume in one day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI was also home\na lot. I was at home and still using, but just being out in my garage using and\nnot being really part of my home life.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Even though he was using in his garage, oftentimes while his wife was inside the house, Vallie-Flagg did whatever he could to keep his addiction hidden from his loved ones, as he did not want anything to jeopardize his ability to use. That, he says, is the modus operandi of an addict. To protect one\u2019s capacity to use.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThere was a lot of lying to my wife, and a lot of lying to everybody around me about what I was doing in order to kind of keep up the fa\u00e7ade and keep up the use I wanted to do \u2014 not wanted to do, that I had to <\/em>do,\u201d he explained. \u201cMy wife thought I was smoking pot for anxiety or doing something like that. Now looking back at it, even she kind of admits there\u2019s a certain amount of this that you don\u2019t want to look directly at and be honest with yourselves about. Because who wants to admit their husband is using heroin?<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThere was a\ncertain amount of, I guess, naivet\u00e9, on my wife\u2019s part\u2026 her wanting to\nbelieve that I\u2019m telling her the truth about what I\u2019m doing. And then there\u2019s a\nlot of lying that I had to do.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Vallie-Flagg also had to keep his heroin and meth use hidden from his employers at the UFC. This was not an easy task. Although the promotion had not yet partnered with the United States Anti-Doping Agency (USADA) at the time, fighters were still subject to basic drug testing administered by state athletic commissions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n For Vallie-Flagg, this usually meant putting a complete stop to his drug use for the four days leading up to a fight, which was enough time to flush the opiates out of his system. Unfortunately, this caused him to endure brutal withdrawals \u2014 a sensation he and many other addicts call the \u2018kick\u2019 \u2014 all while jumping through other fight week hoops like media obligations and weight-cutting.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI was four days into an oxy kick when I fought [Takanori] Gomi,\u201d he recalled. \u201cI had to stop in order to cut weight and so I wouldn\u2019t piss dirty.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt\u2019s like having the worst flu you could possibly have; your muscles don\u2019t work good,\u201d he continued, detailing the terrible symptoms of an opioid kick. “You\u2019ve got crazy anxiety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cA fight camp is hard enough as it is just preparing yourself mentally for a fight. If you\u2019re worried about trying to stop in time, making sure you can take dope and also not be sick for the fight, but then also still have a camp, or you\u2019re worried about drug testing\u2026 Your focus isn\u2019t on the fight. It\u2019s on all this outside stuff instead of being 100% focused on the fight. There\u2019s a physical part of the addiction that played into the fight, but then there\u2019s also all the mental mind-fuckery that played into the last little bit leading up to a fight… being worried about being caught, being worried about not performing well. There\u2019s a lot of anxiety. Things are just not good.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Given what he\nwas putting himself through, physically and mentally, it should come as no\nsurprise that Vallie-Flagg\u2019s performances in the Octagon began to suffer,\nand that the losses began to pile up. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI was just not able to perform up to the level that I would expect of myself,\u201d he said. \u201cEspecially seeing how I\u2019ve been performing in my 40s, sober, I know for sure that I was not doing physically what I could do back then.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI look back at my fights\u2026 from my speed, my learning ability, the ability to push through stuff\u2026 it kind of diminishes as you use. I wasn\u2019t going to be focused on anything mentally, or physically. I think that played a big factor in my losses and kind of mental outlook on the sport.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n While Vallie-Flagg\u2019s losses in the Octagon would eventually lead to his release from the UFC roster, he was able to find a grim silver lining in his defeats. Getting beat up meant that he\u2019d be prescribed pain killers.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe Gomi fight, I remember, after my face got broken, I was just happy I could get some pain pills so I wouldn\u2019t be sick anymore,\u201d he says. \u201cThat\u2019s the last thing you want to have happen, right? Now, if I can go into a fight and not get hurt, I\u2019m extremely happy. But back then, because I got hurt, I knew I was going to get some pain pills.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThat\u2019s one of the shitty things about the deal. My whole focus was on how I was going to get high, how I was not going to get sick. That\u2019s the energy that you should be putting into your fight.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Once\nVallie-Flagg had been released from the UFC in 2014, things only got\nworse. On the regional MMA circuit, he was subject to less stringent drug\ntesting, which allowed him to use much more freely. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAfter I got cut from the UFC, I\u2019ve been high going into the ring,\u201d he said. \u201cIn the UFC, because of the drug testing, there had to be a four-day window for the opiates to get out of my system. I would be dosing essentially, cutting weight, and feeling pretty awful both from the weight cut and the kick.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019ve been high\nwhile I fought, on both heroin and meth, after [I got cut from]\nthe UFC.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n After his time in the UFC, Vallie-Flagg\u2019s fight purses decreased in size and frequency. With less money to buy the drugs he was addicted to, desperation crept in and eventually drove him to crime.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Vallie-Flagg maintains that, on the day he was arrested on the mesa outside Rio Rancho, he was not planning on committing a burglary. He was only looking for a deserted patch of land to shoot his guns. That being said, he admits it was probably only a matter of time before he put the burglary tools in his Jeep to use.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThe amusing part about it was I was going out to shoot a gun, and I wasn\u2019t breaking into anything,\u201d he said. \u201cBut, again, [I\u2019m] not saying that I wasn\u2019t going to try to do something to get money to get drugs, but at that point, I was just out there shooting a gun. I had bad tags on my car and I got pulled over. They searched my vehicle and I had heroin and guns and all kinds of stuff. I actually got seven of the charges dropped because I actually wasn\u2019t breaking into anything the way that they had charged me with, but again it\u2019s one of those things, especially knowing addiction and stuff. If I wasn\u2019t doing something illegal to get drugs then, I was going to in a little bit.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI had the tools\nthat I used for other shady shit on me, and I knew at some point I was going to\nhave to get dope, and I knew I was going to have to get money.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Luckily, Vallie-Flagg was arrested before he could break the law again. And once he was in handcuffs, his secrets were out. His struggle with addiction came screaming into the lives of his family and friends like a torpedo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSurprise\u2026shock,\u201d he said, looking back on his family\u2019s reaction to his arrest. \u201cThey were upset. I think they were scared. I didn\u2019t have a lot of hope left in my life, and I think it was showing more and more. The arrest kind of scared the shit out of them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cMy wife was ready to leave me for obvious reasons,\u201d he said. \u201cMy father had passed away, but my mother was kind of sick of everything. She was kind of done with it. Obviously, she loves me because I\u2019m her son, but she was kind of done with the addiction shit.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Vallie-Flagg had made impact with his rock bottom. He was in legal trouble, his loved ones were losing faith in him, and he was still caught up in a vortex of destructive drug use. It was when he was confronted with this dour, new low that he first checked into rehab. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI checked myself in just because I knew that I wanted to get some help,\u201d he recounted. \u201cI did that rehab for ten days, I found some reason to leave, and got high because I wasn\u2019t ready to be sober. I think I was trying to deal with my wife, the court, and that kind of stuff\u2026 Then I checked into another rehab on February 26 of 2018.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI did three\nmonths \u2014 a month as an inpatient and two months in a sober living\nfacility,\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n This second stint in rehab was the one that finally got Vallie-Flagg sober. It wasn\u2019t easy \u2014 in fact it was downright miserable \u2014 but he feels that he needed to endure this hell to achieve his sobriety.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOne of the things that I really liked about the treatment center is they do a medical detox, which means that they check on your vitals, but they don\u2019t give you any opiates like the methadone or the Suboxone,\u201d he said. \u201cThey give you some things to make you a little bit more comfortable, then they kind of say good luck and put you in your room for a few days until the kick is over, which is good. Feeling that kick, and feeling the effects of the opiate withdrawal, it\u2019s important to remember.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cIt\u2019s not pleasant, one bit,\u201d he continued, describing the kick. \u201cYou\u2019re puking, you\u2019re shitting. You don\u2019t know whether you\u2019re going to puke or shit. There\u2019s constant anxiety. You can\u2019t sleep. You can\u2019t sit still. You can\u2019t eat, even though you want to try to get something down. It\u2019s pretty much like the worst case of the flu that you could think of, just with a whole bunch of anxiety. There\u2019s self-hate. You start to get some depression. It\u2019s really not a pleasant thing. But I think it\u2019s kind of necessary for people to feel that, because it\u2019s something that you don\u2019t want to feel again.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Eventually, the clouds broke. With newfound understanding of both addiction and sobriety, Vallie-Flagg found himself in a position to start rebuilding his life from the rubble. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019ve struggled with alcoholism, and I\u2019ve been sober before, but this time around I\u2019ve learned different things about addiction and the addict\u2019s mind and stuff,” he explained.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAfter about a month, after being a daily heroin and meth user, that was the beginning of kind of rebuilding,\u201d he continued. \u201cIt\u2019s not pleasant. There\u2019s a shame that I still carry, and that I was carrying then, about the people that I lied to. I pushed people at [JacksonWink MMA] away. They were hearing things about the use, because Albuquerque is a small town and I was lying to them because I was trying to protect everything so I could keep getting high.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSo, there was a lot of stuff that, sober, kind of comes back at you. Heroin is a great numbing agent. If stuff was happening before, I could always numb it out with heroin. When you\u2019re sober, you can\u2019t. You start to realize that getting high isn\u2019t going to help the situation. So I, very early, had the hope that I was going to be able to beat this thing, but I knew it was going to be a long road back.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Even a year\nlater, that long road back stretches out before Isaac Vallie-Flagg, as he is\nstill navigating the legal fallout of his January 2018 arrest. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cSo, after treatment I started going through the legal stuff,\u201d he said. \u201cThe PPD (Pre-Prosecution Deferral) Program is what it\u2019s called. I\u2019ve been sentenced to it. It\u2019s essentially this program that, for a year, I have to show up to this place. It\u2019s kind of like probation. I show up, if the guy thinks I\u2019m high, I have to pee [for a urine sample]. I have to do a certain amount of community service.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n The good news is that, if Vallie-Flagg completes the PPD Program, he can begin anew with a clean slate. The keyword in that sentence, of course, is “if.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cAfter I\ncomplete that program everything gets dismissed. I won\u2019t have any felonies on\nmy record. I\u2019ve got nine months to go. If I violate, if they find me using\nagain, I go to prison for eighteen months on the couple of charges that\nthey kept. So, there\u2019s still the possibility that I could go back. That being\nsaid, hopefully I never get high because that\u2019s the ultimate thing saving my\nlife.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n As he works through the PPD Program, Vallie-Flagg is working on rebuilding the relationships that were damaged by his addiction. One such relationship is his friendship with UFC featherweight contender Cub Swanson, whom he feels he pushed away at the height of his heroin use.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cCub Swanson, who is a friend of mine, he knew about it. He was concerned about it. He talked to me about it, and I lied to him too. I told him I would stop or I was done with it. I think he could tell. It put a strain on our friendship because it was quite obvious by my actions and my attitude that I wasn\u2019t off stuff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI don\u2019t think he knew about the heroin, just the oxys. A lot of people didn\u2019t know about the heroin. I tried to keep that hidden. I don\u2019t know how much he knew. We\u2019ve talked a little bit about it, but not a whole lot about that stuff.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cOur\nrelationship is getting back to normal\u2026 It\u2019s getting back to where we\u2019re joking\non the phone and talking like we used to. It\u2019s very nice to be present in all\nmy relationships again. Cub is a very good friend of mine. He was there\nfor me a lot, and we\u2019ve had a good friendship. So, it\u2019s nice to be present in\nthat friendship again.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n Vallie-Flagg has also started fighting again. In November, he picked up a TKO victory over Corey Simpson in the World Bareknuckle Fighting Federation (WBKFF) ring, and he\u2019s now scheduled to compete on an upcoming Bare Knuckle Fighting Championship (BKFC) card, though the details of that bout are not yet finalized.<\/p>\n\n\n\n Vallie-Flagg has also re-opened his own gym in Albuquerque, Tier One MMA\/Fitness, and he\u2019s hoping his gym will help other people in recovery. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cWe\u2019re figuring out a direction for it,\u201d he said of the gym. \u201cSome of what we\u2019re doing there is creating a community to help other people in recovery find some mental strength and create a sense of community outside of the recovery community. So, it\u2019s been really cool doing that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019ve actually been talking to a treatment center here in town and trying to figure out how to make the gym work with people either in early recovery or sober living or whatever, so it\u2019s something we could segue one into the other with for sure. That\u2019s kind of the last part of the whole process, is kind of giving away what you were so freely given in order to maintain your recovery. So helping people is kind of necessary to do, but I\u2019ve also started to find some real joy in helping people. I\u2019ve always believed in doing that, I could just never live up to my morals in the past. Now I\u2019ve found a place that I can do that.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n Now almost a year into his sobriety, with fights on the horizon and his gym thriving, things are looking up for Isaac Vallie-Flagg. Yet he acknowledges his fight with addiction will never truly be over. <\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cI\u2019m not sitting here thinking \u2018I want to get high\u2019 every day,\u201d he said, describing the current state of his battle with addiction. \u201cI love being sober. I really do. The struggle is learning how to cope with life sober when you really haven\u2019t been good at that. So little things that would have been an excuse to get high before, like \u2018it\u2019s Tuesday so I\u2019m going to get high,\u2019 I can\u2019t do. <\/p>\n\n\n\n “You learn how to deal with different things in your life,\u201d he continued. \u201cIt\u2019s a lifelong thing, fighting addiction. I\u2019m always going to be a heroin addict. It\u2019s kept at bay. It\u2019s very much kept at bay by some actions that you do \u2014 the things that you do to make sure that you keep it at bay.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n While sobriety is a lifelong fight, Vallie-Flagg wants anybody who is currently struggling with addiction to know one thing: There is always hope.<\/p>\n\n\n\n \u201cThere\u2019s always hope, man,\u201d he said in a tone that conveyed the importance that his message carries for him. \u201cNo matter how hard the struggle is, no matter what you think is standing in the way of your sobriety, it\u2019s just your brain telling you that you need to keep using. But it\u2019s a bullshit excuse that we use in order to keep going, so put down the excuses that you make for yourself and get some help.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n If you are struggling with addiction, or know somebody who is, Isaac Vallie-Flagg recommends you familiarize yourself with the following resources:<\/p>\n\n\n\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/staging.tcpcharms.com\/bjpenn\/wp-content\/uploads\/Isaac-Vallie-Flagg-Takanori-Gomi.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\n![\"Isaac](\"http:\/\/staging.tcpcharms.com\/bjpenn\/wp-content\/uploads\/Isaac-Vallie-Flagg.png\")